During my morning walk, I realized something significant: I have a subconscious habit of negative self-talk that nearly hijacked my mood. I’ve had a great week, and I pushed myself to attend two networking events for British healthcare startups in Nashville. Both were interesting, and I enjoyed meeting so many new people and running into old friends and colleagues. I’ve been feeling relaxed and content with life.

I shouldn't be relaxed; business isn't where it needs to be.

But as I walked and recorded a voice memo to myself about that contentment, a counterthought immediately bubbled up: "I shouldn't be relaxed; business isn't where it needs to be."

I mindfully caught myself. I chose not to utter those words, knowing that verbalizing a thought gives it a different kind of life, perhaps even a manifestation. In my communication training work, I teach that speaking information aloud helps with retention, like repeating a person’s name to remember it. If that’s true, then speaking our anxieties aloud must "enforce" them in our neural pathways, increasing imposter syndrome and self-doubt.

This led me to a theory on the "Continuum of Thought":

1. Subconscious Stewing: Deep-seated, quiet negativity.

2. Internal Monologue: Conscious negative self-talk.

3. External Expression: Verbalizing the negativity, bringing it into reality.
   

I wonder if the process works in reverse. By mindfully "censoring" external talk, do we eventually quiet the internal monologue and, finally, clear the subconscious stew? It’s a question I’d love to share with my Wise Squirrels guests and pose to a neurologist, behavioral psychologist, or an expert in Buddhism like Joseph Goldstein.

I believe we are winning when we mindfully curb negative self-talk and speak to ourselves as a close friend. Perhaps the more we can catch negative thoughts and externalize them in a positive way, the more likely we are to slow, or even stop, that stinking subconscious stew.

My friend came over the other day to help me repair a broken showerhead. The shower had been out of commission for months. Six months ago, I decided to try to fix it. I'm not particularly handy.

I did quite well with my repair job but was stuck when I couldn't fasten the showerhead pipe enough to make it point down instead of up. I had ideas to rectify the problem, but I was worried I would strip the thread and break the pipe. So I left it. For six months.

I feared I would break it because I didn't believe in myself. I didn't have the confidence.

My friend's dad is a handy man too. Those talents are passed down from generation to generation. I don't recall ever seeing my dad with a hammer or screwdriver. In addition to no handy inspiration, he also cursed me.

My dad famously once exclaimed, "If someone is going to f*** up, it's going to be Dave." He might have said it more than once, but regardless it stuck in my mind like a white-hot bull brand.

Bull, it took me years to realize it was bull. Heather taught me that. My dad was a prick to me growing up. I was a prick too, but he was the parent, so he earned much higher marks in the prick department.

I think of this constantly with my kids. I can't fool them into thinking I'm a talented handyman, but I can empower them to believe that they can be. That's what I strive for. I'm not a perfect parent (nobody is), but I am always careful not to put them down.

If you have little people in your life, think before you speak. Do the same when conversing with your employees, or friends, or anyone seeking feedback. That line my dad fed me (and my friend who witnessed my embarrassment) slowed my personal progress for many years. It still sticks with me today. 

Be careful with your words

My mum once had a fridge magnet that read, "Love is remembering an unkind word can hurt." It's a good reminder for us all. Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

If you struggle with self-doubt, know that you are not alone. In fact, everyone does to some degree. My old friend, John Morgan, shared some great tips on overcoming self-doubt here.

Photo from Flickr by Frédéric Glorieux.

Lucrecer Braxton has a wonderful podcast called, Hello Friend. Each episode features a conversation with an awesome person. That sounds good, right? On the latest episode, she interviewed my friend, John Michael Morgan.

John is a best-selling author and business coach. I don't get to see him enough, but when I do, I always leave inspired and filled with ideas for my businesses. The conversation between Lucrecer and John left me excited to share some of his wisdom with you here. 

10 Thoughts About Self-Image, Self-Worth, and Self-Doubt

I love John's thoughts about self-image, self-worth, and self-doubt. The following are 10 points I took away from the interview. Consider these for your own life.

1. Have a “Why not me?” attitude. 
2. You’re never going to outperform your self-image.   
3. If you’re not spending as much time working on your self-image as you are your business, family, and job, you’re doing yourself an injustice. 
4. Your fears can’t hurt you, but believing in them can.
5. Ask yourself, “Who do I have to become?" Make a list of the beliefs and behaviors that person has. 
6. Write with the word “YOU”, not “I”. Use the story about you, but it has to be about your readers too.
7. Too often we are chasing approval instead of results.
8. The more you can create a theme around your content. The more people will come to it. 
9. Be careful who you are taking advice from. Consider what makes them an expert.
10. Give people acknowledgment. 

John runs the Achievers Alliance group for entrepreneurs. You should take a look at it and decide if it's something that could help you. John also wrote the excellent book, Brand Against The Machine. 

Listen to Lucrecer's full interview on the Hello Friend site or down below.