Think Again, especially before Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is coming up soon. It’s a beautiful time of the year to be grateful for all we have, including dinner with our extended family members with opposing political and religious views. That’s why I’m finally writing this book review and highly recommending you read it before you gather and all hell breaks loose around the turkey.

In his compelling book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know organizational psychologist Adam Grant explores the intricacies of cognitive biases, the importance of intellectual humility, and the art of rethinking. The journey through the pages of this thought-provoking work challenges readers to reconsider their preconceived notions and embrace a mindset of continuous learning; it’s a good way for all humans to behave.

The First-Instinct Fallacy

Grant introduces the concept of the first-instinct fallacy, highlighting our natural resistance to rethinking answers and the psychological phenomenon known as "seizing and freezing." We're encouraged to spend as much time rethinking as we do thinking, emphasizing the value of flexibility in our beliefs.

Cognitive Biases: Confirmation and Desirability

Grant addresses confirmation bias, our tendency to see what we expect, and desirability bias, where we see what we want. The brighter we are, the harder it is to recognize our own limitations, making it crucial to develop intellectual humility and acknowledge what we don't know.

The Curse of Knowledge

The curse of knowledge closes our minds to what we don't know. Recognizing cognitive blind spots becomes imperative, and Grant warns against the Dunning Kruger effect, where overconfidence prevents us from questioning our knowledge.

Evolving Beliefs and Learning

Grant argues that the purpose of learning is to evolve our beliefs, not merely affirm them. He stresses the importance of humility in the pursuit of knowledge and advises against the trap of the beginner's bubble, where overconfidence stifles curiosity.

Avoiding Belief Identity

Think Again suggests refusing to let beliefs become part of one's identity. By detaching from past selves, individuals may experience less depression and find wisdom in avoiding internalizing every thought and feeling.

Effective Communication and Leadership

Grant explores the role of effective communication and leadership, emphasizing the importance of engaging critics and remaining open to change. The book encourages reasonable dialogue, asking questions such as, "What evidence would make you change your mind?" to foster understanding.

The Art of Listening

Grant champions the art of listening as a means to open minds. Great listeners focus on making their audience feel smart and acknowledge complexity. Rather than bombarding others with facts, the book suggests asking about their sources, fostering a more credible and respectful discourse.

Think Again serves as a powerful reminder that the quest for knowledge is never finished. By embracing intellectual humility, acknowledging cognitive biases, and remaining open to rethinking, individuals can navigate the complex landscape of beliefs and ideas. Grant's insights offer a roadmap for personal growth, effective communication, and leadership grounded in the pursuit of truth. This is why it’s one of my favorite books; I expect you will love it, too.

Looking for corporate workshop ideas that are fun workshops for employees?

In 2017, I became a contract speaker for Google. Since then, I have taught thousands of people how to improve their digital skills to grow their businesses and careers. I’ve worked with wonderful organizations like the SBDC, SBA, SCORE, chambers of commerce, colleges, and libraries across the United States and Canada. Let me know if you’d like some help too.

As a Grow with Google speaker, Google trusts me to represent them across multiple states, including Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Arizona. I’ve even represented Google on local and national television news.

One highlight of representing Google was being booked as the head trainer for six flagship events across Canada, where I spoke to audiences in the hundreds. Along this journey, I was also asked to train Google trainers to improve their presentation skills in train-the-trainers sessions.

Now I’m offering this to you. If you have a team of trainers or a department (like sales and marketing) who wish to improve their communication skills, or you want to communicate with confidence, check this out.

Next week, I will be in Arizona teaching a team of wonderful trainers in my COMMUNICATION & STORYTELLING WORKSHOP. I can't wait to help them improve how they represent their company. I’d love to help you too.

Why You Should Keep Slang Out of Work-Related Communication 🤔

Did you know on average, only 21% of organizations keep their workplace communications simple and jargon-free?

Not everyone understands online sarcasm, and some don't even understand it offline (I feel bad for them). Emoticons are a common thing to include in casual online communication. However, not everyone understands that :-) is supposed to be a smile, and ;-) is supposed to be a wink.

What does the J in emails mean?

Do you use Microsoft Outlook for email? You probably have the popular Wingdings font installed. The cute smile that you include in your message confuses the pants off the recipient if they use a different email client because the smile appears as a single capitalized letter "J."

When corresponding in a professional manner via email, it is best to avoid sarcasm and emoticons. Avoid slang, too, because that can really mess things up for you.

I once ran into a problem with my colleagues. There was confusion over what was needed for an important project. I composed a detailed email to clarify everything, but I made one big mistake.

I meticulously wrote out each step needed for the project in a bulleted email. To be absolutely sure that the team would understand what was needed, I proofread my message multiple times before hitting the send button. My big mistake was how I signed off in the message.

Who the heck is Bob?

You see, I'm Canadian. My Mum is British. That wasn't a typo; I actually call her "Mum." In Canada and the UK, there is a popular expression that we use instead of saying, "And there you have it." The expression is one that completely messed up my perfect email. I ended my email with, "and Bob's your uncle."

I hit send, and I sat back in my chair with a deep feeling of satisfaction for helping everyone understand what was needed. We worked in an open-environment without walls; I could see some of my colleagues at their desks. Their heads were down focusing on their work. Their email notifications went off as my message arrived in their inboxes. Slowly, their heads began to rise with looks of bewilderment across their faces. Finally, one of them exclaimed, "Who the heck is Bob?"

It was tragically hilarious that I then had to explain what the sentence meant. Not only this, but I had to reply to other colleague’s confused emails to me who were not in the room. Yes, it made for a great laugh, but caused a big disruption in the time we could have been using to finish the pressing project.

Whether you're writing an email to follow up with a person you met at a networking event, replying to a customer, or emailing your boss, do yourself a favor and avoid sarcasm, slang, and emoticons. Nobody has the time for long-winded email messages these days, so keep them short, sweet, and nice.

And Bob's your uncle!

Quality Over Quantity

A general rule of life should be to always aim for quality over quantity. The only exception I have thought of is money. I’d rather have more money, I don’t really care about the condition of the bills. With more money I can support the causes I care most about and eliminate the stress that stops me from creating the content I most want to share with you.

My quality over quantity rule is especially nice as it applies to relationships. I’m very much a people person. Over my many years of indulgence and excitement over the rise of social networks, I mistook these brief interactions with people as quality encounters. They used to be, but today algorithms decide whom you will see in your timeline instead of you.

“Let your guiding rule be not how much, but how good. A thing you do not want is expensive at any price. Avoid surplus. Choose quality over quantity.”

— Mayer A. Rothschild.

During my digital detox from social media last summer, I made it a point to reconnect with old friends via video conferencing, telephone, or a few in-person* beverages. I didn’t realize how much I missed this type of interaction.

I have been reviewing old photographs from the many conferences I attended over the years. I have then scheduled and conducted catch up video chats with some of those folks. The meetings have been personally rewarding to me. These quality chats are much more fulfilling than a like, comment, text, or private message.

“The most precious gift you can give someone is the gift of your time and attention.”

— Nicky Gumbel.

Spending 30-60+ minutes chatting with people I enjoyed meeting way back when has been one of the best uses of my time. Why not communicate again with the people you have most enjoyed interacting with in the past?

They say time and attention are our most valuable resources. Investing this time and attention in reconnecting with people I admire has made me far richer.

Quality relationships make you richer.

* Making a point to be six-feet apart, wearing a mask before and after, and with clean hands.

Do You Have These Social Intelligence Skills?

In order to effectively lead an organization or department, one must be fluent in social intelligence skills.

The key elements of social intelligence are verbal fluency and conversational skills; knowledge of social roles, rules, and scripts; effective listening skills; understanding what makes other people tick; social self-efficacy; and impression management skills. Social intelligence (SI) is one of the core areas my corporate training focuses on in the Nice Method. How versed are you in each of these areas?

Social Intelligence Skills

Verbal Fluency and Conversational Skills. Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. explains this well in his article in Psychology Today. “You can easily spot someone with lots of SI at a party or social gathering because he or she knows how to “work the room.” The highly socially intelligent person can carry on conversations with a wide variety of people, and is tactful and appropriate in what is said. Combined, these represent what are called “social expressiveness skills.”

Effective Listening Skills. I obsess about actively listening with intent. I love the reaction I get from audiences when I share the fact that an anagram for the word ‘silent’ is ‘listen’ (also ‘tinsel’, but I digress). We don’t learn from speaking, we learn from listening. Here’s a quick video from The Master Communicator’s Secret Weapon presentation for more on how to improve your listening skills.

We don’t learn from speaking, we learn from listening.

Understanding What Makes Other People Tick. As a speaker and improv performer, I have studied how to read an audience. Noting the facial expressions and body language of the crowd is important in adjusting my performance to leave them satisfied. The same goes for professional settings like sales calls, video meetings, candidate interviews, employee performance meetings, and investor calls. Not only is reading the people important but understanding why they are behaving the way they do is crucial.

Knowledge of Social Roles, Rules, and Scripts. To come off as socially sophisticated and wise, one must understand the difference in the people they interact with. In an office setting or virtual meeting, you come across many different types of people who demand different styles of interaction. Recognizing these differences and adapting your communication style is key to effective communication.

Impression Management Skills. You need to be aware of the impression you are leaving on the people you communicate with. This means mixing a healthy dose of authenticity with self-censorship. Being honest and sincere is paramount in everything we do, but being completely transparent can have serious ramifications in professional relationships.

Role-Playing and Social Self-Efficacy. Knowing how to play different social roles will make you feel comfortable no matter who you are communicating with. When you practice these skills you feel socially self-confident and more effective. This is why role-playing is an important part of the Nice Method, which leads to improved social self-efficacy.

5 Must Hear Podcasts about Presentations. Are you subscribed?

As a keynote speaker, I am always working to improve my craft and my business. I find plugging peers into my ears via podcasts is a fantastic way to learn new methodologies of the craft of public speaking.

Even if you are not striving to grow a speaking business, you must admit that you can always improve how you communicate. Perhaps you will have a presentation to deliver to your board, an all-hands meeting for your staff, a pitch to investors, a wedding toast or eulogy. You can always improve how you communicate by learning from master communicators.

5 Must Subscribe Podcasts to Improve Your Presentation Skills

Steal the Show with Michael Port

Every day, there are moments when you must persuade, inform, and motivate others effectively. Each of these moments requires you in some way, to play a role to heighten the impact of your words, and manage your emotions and nerves. Every interaction is a performance whether you’re speaking up in a meeting, pitching a client, or walking into a job interview. Michael’s great voice and inspiring delivery will keep you hooked from the very first episode. Web | Apple Podcasts

Standing Ovation with Jay Baer

Standing Ovation, hosted by keynote speaker and emcee Jay Baer is where the very best public speakers reveal the secrets behind their greatest successes. In each episode, listeners hear a legendary on-stage story from a world-class speaker, and then hear Jay and his guest dissect and discuss that story. How are the best on-stage stories (some of them decades old) found, written, polished, and changed? When do they work best? When do they bomb? Web | Apple Podcasts

The Speaker Lab with Grant Baldwin

Grant Baldwin from The Speaker Lab podcast shares speaking business tactics, tips, and strategies from his own experience, case studies, and interviewing the experts. Whether you're just getting started trying to get your first booking or you're a veteran speaker looking to build and grow your business, this is for you. Web | Apple Podcasts

The Freenoter with Tamsen and Tom Webster

Introducing The Freenoter! There are lots of resources out there on how to become a paid speaker or keynoter, but what if you speak to build your business, as a FREEnoter? Each week, join Tamsen and Tom Webster as they cover all the angles of how to profit from speaking for free. If you are looking to grow your business from the stage--without "selling from the stage," this is the show for you. We will cover EVERY aspect of building your business through speaking, and even share a different craft cocktail recipe every week, just because. Web | Apple Podcasts

Good One with Jesse David Fox

(NSFW) Each week, a comedian will play one of their jokes and then break it down with Vulture.com Senior Editor Jesse David Fox. The is a podcast about - well - jokes, and the people who tell them. Web | Apple Podcasts

Each of these stellar shows will teach you the ins and outs of the speaking business. You will learn countless performance techniques and business development skills that will help you next time you are delivering a presentation or a speech.

Let me know what you think. I would love to hear from you.

Why is Empathy Important?

Let’s begin by describing empathy in a sentence from Wikipedia. Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position.

This means we need to put aside our differences at work or outside with friends and family. We also need to stop and think about where someone is coming from before replying to their tweet or Facebook post. Perhaps we need not reply at all.

Sympathy vs Empathy

Empathy is often confused with sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling of pity or sorrow. Brené Brown references nursing scholar Theresa Wiseman's four attributes of empathy, which I discovered in Kate Thieda’s excellent article, Brené Brown on Empathy vs. Sympathy.

1. To be able to see the world as others see it—This requires putting your own "stuff" aside to see the situation through your loved one's eyes.

2. To be nonjudgmental—Judgement of another person's situation discounts the experience and is an attempt to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.

3. To understand another person’s feelings—We have to be in touch with our own feelings in order to understand someone else's. Again, this requires putting your own "stuff" aside to focus on your loved one.

4. To communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings—Rather than saying, "At least you..." or "It could be worse..." try, "I've been there, and that really hurts," or (to quote an example from Brown), "It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.”

What are the three types of empathy?

Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman break down the concept of empathy into the following three categories. I encourage you to read Justin Bariso’s full article, Here's How They Differ--and How You Can Develop Them All.

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy makes us better communicators, because it helps us relay information in a way that best reaches the other person. 

Emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy) is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Some have described it as "your pain in my heart." This type of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others. 

Compassionate empathy (also known as empathic concern) goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings: it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can. 

Be nice by practicing empathy

Want to be nicer? Consider what the person is going through. Put yourself in their shoes. Actively listen to what they are telling you. Connect what they are going through to something that has happened to you (keep this to yourself). Then take action by offering to help them with something specific. What can you do or offer to help?

Did you know a two-sided ball teach us about empathy?

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Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Humble Inquiry

I came across the term “humble inquiry” in an article about popular leadership books. This phrase stood out to me to perfectly summarize the best way we can meet new people and lead teams. Ultimately, we can learn to be nice communicators.

The term was coined by Edgar Schein, who authored a book with the same title, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Schein specialized in organizational development, career development, group process consultation, and organizational culture. His definition of Humble Inquiry perfectly captures my thoughts on the topics of asking and listening.

Humble Inquiry is “the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.”

Schein writes, “Ultimately the purpose of Humble Inquiry is to build relationships that lead to trust which, in turn, leads to better communication and collaboration.”

The next time you are in a position to ask questions of your colleagues, prospects, and clients, consider these wise words.

“Don’t we all know how to ask questions? Of course, we think we know how to ask, but we fail to notice how often even our questions are just another form of telling—rhetorical or just testing whether what we think is right. We are biased toward telling instead of asking because we live in a pragmatic, problem-solving culture in which knowing things and telling others what we know is valued.”

Ask questions you don’t know the answers to. Be genuinely curious about who you speak with.

Don’t miss this YouTube video of Edgar Schein discussing “Humble Inquiry”. This is the basis of building any type of relationship.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash.