Think Again, especially before Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is coming up soon. It’s a beautiful time of the year to be grateful for all we have, including dinner with our extended family members with opposing political and religious views. That’s why I’m finally writing this book review and highly recommending you read it before you gather and all hell breaks loose around the turkey.

In his compelling book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know organizational psychologist Adam Grant explores the intricacies of cognitive biases, the importance of intellectual humility, and the art of rethinking. The journey through the pages of this thought-provoking work challenges readers to reconsider their preconceived notions and embrace a mindset of continuous learning; it’s a good way for all humans to behave.

The First-Instinct Fallacy

Grant introduces the concept of the first-instinct fallacy, highlighting our natural resistance to rethinking answers and the psychological phenomenon known as "seizing and freezing." We're encouraged to spend as much time rethinking as we do thinking, emphasizing the value of flexibility in our beliefs.

Cognitive Biases: Confirmation and Desirability

Grant addresses confirmation bias, our tendency to see what we expect, and desirability bias, where we see what we want. The brighter we are, the harder it is to recognize our own limitations, making it crucial to develop intellectual humility and acknowledge what we don't know.

The Curse of Knowledge

The curse of knowledge closes our minds to what we don't know. Recognizing cognitive blind spots becomes imperative, and Grant warns against the Dunning Kruger effect, where overconfidence prevents us from questioning our knowledge.

Evolving Beliefs and Learning

Grant argues that the purpose of learning is to evolve our beliefs, not merely affirm them. He stresses the importance of humility in the pursuit of knowledge and advises against the trap of the beginner's bubble, where overconfidence stifles curiosity.

Avoiding Belief Identity

Think Again suggests refusing to let beliefs become part of one's identity. By detaching from past selves, individuals may experience less depression and find wisdom in avoiding internalizing every thought and feeling.

Effective Communication and Leadership

Grant explores the role of effective communication and leadership, emphasizing the importance of engaging critics and remaining open to change. The book encourages reasonable dialogue, asking questions such as, "What evidence would make you change your mind?" to foster understanding.

The Art of Listening

Grant champions the art of listening as a means to open minds. Great listeners focus on making their audience feel smart and acknowledge complexity. Rather than bombarding others with facts, the book suggests asking about their sources, fostering a more credible and respectful discourse.

Think Again serves as a powerful reminder that the quest for knowledge is never finished. By embracing intellectual humility, acknowledging cognitive biases, and remaining open to rethinking, individuals can navigate the complex landscape of beliefs and ideas. Grant's insights offer a roadmap for personal growth, effective communication, and leadership grounded in the pursuit of truth. This is why it’s one of my favorite books; I expect you will love it, too.

Lessons Learned from The Diamond Cutter

The Diamond Cutter by Geshe Michael Roach is a wonderful business book unlike any other.

The main story is the practical application of Buddhist philosophies to the world of business, based upon Geshe Michael Roach's seventeen-years of experience as an employee of the Andin International Diamond Corporation, a company that grew during his tenure from four employees to a world leader in the jewelry industry.

The two main takeaways, I want to share with you are related to how we treat our colleagues and how we consider money.

How we treat others

I once worked with a person who was a loud eater. They would smack their lips in a way that would drive me insane. I had to exit the room while the person lunched just to avoid flipping my desk over in disgust.

The Diamond Cutter made me reconsider this type of negative thinking when dealing with someone who annoys you. Here’s the passage I would like you to read and consider for yourself.

… nothing that ever happens to us is a good thing or a bad thing from its own side, because —if it were— then everyone else would experience it that way as well. For example, our irritating person at work would strike everyone else in exactly the same way, if his or her “irritating-ness” were something inside that was flowing out of that individual and flying across the room to us. In reality though there is almost always someone who finds the person to be good and lovable. 

The fact that this is the case has two important implications:

1) This person has no quality, within him, of being irritating or nice. He himself, from his own side, is “blank” or “neutral” or “empty”. 

2) The reason that we personally experience this person as being irritating must be coming from somewhere else.

Apparently, there is no “irritating-ness” flowing from these people to them— which very simply proves that this is not a quality within the people themselves. They have no such quality within themselves, or it would show itself to others; they are, rather, like blank screens, neutral and different people see different things in them. This is a very simple and undeniable proof of emptiness or hidden potential. And everything else in the world is the same.

So the next time someone is annoying you, consider why you are being annoyed. Rather, consider how the person is loved by others. Don’t be upset if others don’t find you as nice as you are striving to be.

Building wealth

Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash.

The Diamond Cutter spends a fair amount of time exploring the ideas of money and building wealth. I’ve shared strategies related to this with you here before. I’ve also written at length about the need to network nicely within my book, New Business Networking, and to always find ways to serve others first and foremost.

In The Diamond Cutter, Roach shares the idea of planting karmic imprints or seeds for the future. He also speaks of manifestation in this regard.

Now if all these theories are right, then the reason that any particular venture (brilliant or idiotic) is a success and makes money is due only to the good imprints in the mind of its creator: Those who succeed get to see themselves making money only because, at some point in the past, they planted in their minds an imprint to see themselves making money. And this particular imprint can be planted only by watching yourself giving all you can to others. As we’ve seen, this giving begins and should begin in a limited way: Small kindnesses done to people in your own department, or your own family, based on watching them closely to see what they want and need.  

Then the giving graduates to a broader level, say to every department in your company, with the gift taking on more substantial proportions- financial yes, but also in terms of giving your own time, and your emotional and professional support, and helping people with ideas. 

He describes three principles about making money. The first is related to how people feel about money and its connection to greed.

In Buddhism, it is not the money which is in itself wrong; in fact, a person with greater resources can do much more good in the world than one without. The question rather is how we make the money; whether we understand where it comes from and how to make it continue to come; and whether we keep a healthy attitude about the money.

The whole point then is to make money in a clean and honest way, to understand clearly where it comes from so it doesn’t stop, and to maintain a healthy view toward it where we have it. As long as we do these things, making money is completely consistent with a spiritual way of life; in fact, it becomes part of a spiritual way of life.

The second principle is that we should enjoy the money; that is, we should learn how to keep our minds and bodies in good health while we make the money. The activity of creating wealth should not exhaust us so much physically or mentally that we cannot enjoy the wealth. A business person who ruins his health doing business is defeating the very purpose of business.

The third principle is that you should be able to look back at your business, at the end, and honestly say that your years of doing business have had some meaning. The end of every business enterprise we engage in, and in fact the end of our lives, must come to every person who ever does business. And at the most important part of the business - at the end, when we are looking back on all we have achieved - we should see that we have conducted ourselves and our business in a way that had some lasting meaning, that left some good mark in the world.

To summarize, the goal of a business, and of ancient Tibetan wisdom, and in fact of all human endeavor, is to enrich ourselves - to achieve prosperity, both outer and inner. We can enjoy this prosperity only if we maintain a high degree of physical and mental health. And over the length of our lives we must seek ways to make this prosperity meaningful in a larger sense.

There is much more to explore in The Diamond Cutter. I highly recommend you give this gem a read for yourself. Feel free to share any takeaways with me here. I always love to hear from you.

Think. Do. Say.

I’m writing the next sentences in my best Julia Child voice... Combine a large pot of stellar speaking skills with several dollops of branding and marketing smarts. Mix a fresh bunch of humor, several cups of creativity, sprigs of kindness. Add these ingredients together, bake, and voilà - Ron Tite!

Ron is the president and CEO of Church + State, a creative agency in Toronto. He is also the author of the new book, Think. Do. Say. How to seize attention and build trust in a busy, busy world. I loved it!

I’ve been lucky enough to spend time with Ron over the last several years. We both belong to a speaker mastermind group called Speak & Spill. Ron has also graciously shared ideas and feedback with me. He’s a solid fellow, but let’s get back to that book.

The following are my takeaways from Think. Do. Say. I highly recommend you pick up a copy for yourself if you work with an agency or marketing firm. The book is full of case studies and examples of how we can improve everything we do by focusing on our beliefs, actions, and communication.

Key Takeaways from Think Do Say

Three pillars of great organizations know:

What they think

What they do

What they say

Your clients don’t know where to look and they don’t know who to trust.

Move from being product-focused to purpose-focused.

Believing isn’t enough. You have to act to reinforce your beliefs.

What you do immediately following an integrity gap will say more about your character than what you did before.

Believe in something more important than your bottom line. 

Answer the following questions

What’s your essential do?

Who do you do it for?

What do they want you to do?

Who do you do it with?

It’s easier to come up with a revolutionary idea to topple the establishment when you’re not a part of it.

Want people to look in your direction? Start solving their real problems before someone else does. 

The first step to innovation is improving the efficiency of what you already do. 

Honesty and transparency lead to trust. And trust leads to momentum. 

True authenticity is being comfortable with your imperfections. 

Something we’ve never seen before will get our attention.

---

I wanted to close this blog post with a Julia Child quote (there’s even one in the book). I found the perfect one that sums up Ron and his work, “Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”

One last Julia Child quote because I couldn’t resist, “A party without cake is just a meeting.”

Now go order your copy of Think. Do. Say. You will be glad you did.

Key takeaways from Same Side Selling

Pick up a copy of Same Side Selling.

For the first few years of my adventures in entrepreneurship, I told friends and colleagues that I’m not good at sales. I would explain that my expertise is in marketing and communications, but not sales. Guess what, I was wrong. I had to be.

I had always thought of sales in the worst possible way. I envisioned the cheesy, pushy, used-car sales guy. Or the uppity, asshat in business class on his second cocktail before takeoff.

One day, it dawned on me that if I run my own business and I am not good at sales, I’m in big trouble. If I am my only employee, I had better be damned great at sales or my family will suffer. 

Spoiler alert: You don’t have to be a jerk to excel in sales.

I went out on my own as a consultant and professional trainer and speaker in 2011. I’m happy to report that I have increased my earnings each year. I have become more knowledgable in how best to approach sales, but I don’t consider myself an expert.

One true sales expert I personally know is Ian Altman, co-author (along with Jack Quarles) of Same Side Selling: How Integrity and Collaboration Drive Extraordinary Results for Sellers and Buyers. I absolutely loved the lessons and approach to sales taught in their excellent book. Spoiler alert: You don’t have to be a jerk to excel in sales.

In this short blog post, I’m going to share some key takeaways directly from Same Side Selling. There is much more within the book that you should not miss. Pick up a copy.

Same Side Selling Takeaways

There is an adversarial trap that causes buyers and sellers to work against each other instead of collaborating. Replace this trap with a cooperative, collaborative mindset. 

Selling is not a game because in a game one side wins and the other loses.

Selling is a puzzle. With a puzzle, you are solving. You create something and over time provide value. People sit on the same side to determine if the pieces fit. It’s better to solve puzzles than play games. 

Same side selling is about finding the fit. FIT. Finding Impact Together.

The objective is to be seen as a solver instead of a seller.

Answer the questions:

• Whom do you help?

• What do you do to help them?

• Why do they need your help?

The most successful pitch will resonate with the prospect’s pain.

Find people who not only face problems you can solve, but also recognize those problems and believe they are worth solving.

Focus on the challenges that your client is facing, rather than on the things you are selling. 

Entice. Disarm. Discover.

• Entice. Entice the customer by identifying something you have that might be of interest.

• Disarm. Make it clear that you are not there to sell, but want merely to see if there is a fit. 

• Discover. Trigger a discovery phase in which you learn about them (instead of opening a meeting talking about your stuff). 

The truth is always your ally in same side selling, even when it seems to decrease the likeliness of making a sale. 

Ask who else is affected by this project? How can we engage them in a way that works for you?

Don’t start with your qualifications. Start with the buyer’s problem

Gracefully guide the conversation away from details and toward impact.

It is not the client’s job to see the big picture.

If your price is too high don’t discount. Rather expand the scope to create more value.

What do you think?

How do you handle sales? Are you an expert or a novice? What sales lessons have you learned over the years?

The Business of Expertise

I loved The Business of Expertise How Entrepreneurial Experts Convert Insight to Impact + Wealth. Author, David Baker is brilliant. The content of this book will make you stop to question your brand's positioning as you strive for expertise. As Baker points out, "If you are positioned well, then they find very few substitutes."

The Business of Expertise contains plenty of wisdom and actionable steps you can take to becoming a true expert. He also includes important advice about self-confidence and self-improvement.

Here are some takeaways directly from the book. I highly recommend you pick up a copy for much more wisdom, context, and steps for you to achieve expertise in your space.

25 Takeaways from The Business of Expertise

1. Personal relationships are not about giving in order to get.

2. Good positioning makes you non-interachangable.

3. If you are positioned well, then they find very few substitutes.

4. Expertise blends knowledge with self-awareness of that knowledge.

5. You need to earn your positioning.

6. We gravitate to where we excel.

7. Clients are drawn to confidence.

8. If I find a much lower price than I would expect, I know that they don’t have much confidence.

9. Confidence also comes when we say “no”.

10. You should always have a list with getting to “know” topics on it.

11. People don’t die “doing what they love” unless they love dying.

12. Just doing what you love and making no money does nobody any favors.

13. Just because you are good at something, even enjoy it, doesn’t mean that you are good at making money doing it.

14. Make expertise the addiction.

15. Money is the currency of respect, and the customer of an expert treats the advice more seriously if it comes with a hefty bill.

16. Consultants who interview employees at client engagements look brilliant early in the process.

17. Without strong positioning and the opportunity that stems from effectively applied lead generations, you are stuck with whatever opportunities fall in your lap instead of making your own success.

18. Don’t add additional goals to your life until you decide which ones you’re going to drop. There is as much power in stopping something as there is in starting.

19. Ask yourself “Okay. What is my role in the world?” - ask often.

20. The only two kinds of experts who aren’t generally busy are new to the game or are incompetent.

21. Choose between vertical and horizontal positioning.

22. A great client may bring you new clients through career changes.

23. Positioning is public and must be declared.

24. Clients want to work with experts in demand.

25. You’ll never get discovered and followed unless you’re an expert, but you’ll never be a good expert unless you’re grounded.

Pick up a copy of The Business of Expertise today to dive into the takeaways I shared above.

Read For New Business

One of the biggest challenges for any consultant is business development. I would be lying if I said my business was booming - always. I’ve written about the big business lie we tell one another before. Business isn’t always great sometimes it’s actually terrible. 

I recently picked up a copy of How Clients Buy: A Practical Guide to Business Development for Consulting and Professional Services by Tom McMakin and Doug Fletcher. I literally found the book on the shelf at the airport and purchased a copy. I usually buy books or get sent books that come recommended to me but the title resonated with me, so I coughed up some cash and dug right in.

The following are my key takeaways directly from How Clients Buy:

It’s crucial that we recognize the seven elements of how clients buy. They have to be aware of your existence. They come to understand what you do and how you’re unique. They develop an interest. They respect your work and are filled with confidence that you can help them. They trust you. They have the ability to pull the trigger. They are ready to do something.

In professional services, we are the product. The biggest challenge in our path to become rainmakers is to unlearn what we think we already know. 

If you want to be remembered, you must find a category where you can be number one. You have to know who you want to serve. Identify the type of company but also the role inside the company who you help. When selling consulting or professional services, the goal is not to identify prospects and process them like corn flakes; it is to identify a community and position ourselves to serve it over time. Prospective clients cannot engage with us unless they know us. Niche yourself and then re-niche yourself over time. 

Create a point of differentiation. When there’s a really clear association in your mind between a person that you trust and the problem that they can solve, it makes it easier to refer you.

Great client relationships are built over time on foundations of trust and are not, by definition, transactional. Respect trumps charm when it comes to most buying decisions for consulting and professional services. Instead of focusing on like in “know, like and trust” focus on respect. They have to know, respect and trust you. 

Clients have to conclude that: What you do is relevant to them and their goals. You have to solve a problem, support a strategic initiative, or promote an organizational agenda that is on their plate. The goal is to be a problem solver. If you can tell them a solution before they recognize they have a problem they need, you are best positioned to win the business.

New business comes from three places: repeat, recommendations, new clients with no relationship. Always start with your current or past clients.

A high-return opportunity with very low risk will attract attention. Dedicate time every day to building genuine relationships with clients and prospective clients. Never underestimate the value of networking and the value of your network. 

The secret to business development is to ask lots of questions. Start from a place of empathy. No one ever needs a consultant until they do.

There are many actionable ideas you will learn in How Clients Buy. I highly recommend you pick up a copy now and dig right in.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Setting and Achieving Your Goals with Overlap

Imagine yourself in a car at night, driving down a long, barren road with flat empty fields along both sides. You have been driving for many hours, and you have no idea where you are headed, or if you will ever reach your destination. You don't know this because you never decided where you are going. You are just driving with no plan.

You might be enjoying the feeling you get from the freedom of the open road. However, eventually, you will begin to get frustrated and feel stressed by the uncertainty of not knowing where you are going.

Setting yourself personal and professional goals will help you set and reach your destination. If you have no goals you will eventually run out of gas along the side of that barren road.

Don't quit your day job.

I was reminded of the importance of goals as I read Sean McCabe's new book, Overlap: The Ultimate Guide to Turning Your Side Passion Into a Successful Business. McCabe is an entrepreneur who has had several successful businesses over his career. We met in-person at Jeff Goins' Tribe Conference recently and spoke more about his book. He wrote it to encourage readers to go after what they truly want to do professionally. He doesn't preach what others do about quitting your day job. Instead, he encourages you to carve out time to work on a side business that can bring you joy and reward you financially. This all begins and ends with the goals you set for yourself.

In Overlap, McCabe describes his own goal of writing the book and how he completed it in just one month. He describes his process of writing 80,000 words over two weeks. McCabe includes a clever strategy to help readers set and reach their goals.

A strategy to achieve your goals.

Begin by creating a long list of all of your life goals. McCabe recommends determining which of the goals on your list will have the biggest impact on your life if accomplished in one year. He then says to start a new list and write that one goal on the top of the page. Follow this with twenty bulleted items that will get you to accomplish that goal. Dedicate one day for each item and repeat this for twenty days. 

I would add that you might need some extra time on some of the items, but you will be surprised how little time it actually takes to complete them when you write them down. It also helps to reconsider watching YouTube and Netflix during this period because focus is key.

McCabe writes, "Successful people know what they want, and they invest every ounce of their energy in going after that one thing. You can achieve many great things in life, but you can achieve only one truly great thing at a time. If you try to pursue many goals at once, you will not succeed at any of them." He adds that you should visualize achieving your goal. He says to, see it, actualize it, and internalize the fact that it will happen. Never feel you have failed to reach your goal, just that you haven't achieved it yet.

Make an on-going list of what is effecting you positively and what's doing so negatively. Doing this will help you understand what is slowing you down from achieving your goal and what is helping.

Communicate your goals.

A key message in Overlap is to communicate your goal every day to everyone in your life. Make them associate you with the goal you plan to accomplish. It needs to be on their minds when they think of you. You can even add the people in your life to your list. Some will support you all the way, while others may try to talk you out of it or even speak negatively of your goal.

McCabe writes, "If the people in your life don't know what your goal is they can't help you achieve it." He goes on to remind his readers that we need to know the goals our friends have and do our best to support them as well. As I always say, networking is a two-way street.

Why not pull your imaginary car over right now? Fire up Google Maps or grab the old Rand McNally from the glove box. Choose your destination. You are far more likely to make your journey a success when you know where you want to arrive.

Leave a comment with your goal. Maybe we can help you get there.

How to Book Yourself Solid

I have had the good fortune of spending time with best-selling author, speaker trainer, and keynote speaker Michael Port. He is a warm, wise, and sincere guy - my kind of people! 

I recently read and loved his best-selling book, Book Yourself Solid: The Fastest, Easiest, and Most Reliable System for Getting More Clients Than You Can Handle Even if You Hate Marketing and Selling. I have already seen an increase in new consulting clients as a result of reading and working through the excerises in his book.

Here are some of my takeaways from Book Yourself Solid. I encourage you to pick up a copy and dig right in today.

17 Takeaways From Book Yourself Solid

• You are the company you keep. 

I've read this in many of my favorite business and self-help-type books. It's true. Choose your friends wisely. Ditch them if they don't support you.

• Your ideal clients are those individuals who energize and inspire you. 

This is why I typically work with small business owners and teams. It always seems like small businesses are the most passionate about the work they do. That passion always gets me excited to serve them.

• Being everything to everyone just isn't possible. 

I'm guilty of trying to please all of the people all of the time - in the past. Michael serves his readers a good reminder of why this doesn't work.

• It’s much easier to carve out a very lucrative domain for yourself once you’ve identified a specific target market. 

This is something I have been doing with NetworkingForNicePeople.com. I wrote my book all about networking, so I have returned to the topic to teach and build a community. My target market is anyone who wants to jumpstart their career or grow their business. 

• If your potential clients are going to purchase your services and products, they must see them as investable opportunities; they must feel that the return they receive is greater than the investment they made.

• The secret to having a successful business is to know what your clients want and deliver it. 

• People buy results and the benefits of those results. So think about the solutions you offer and the subsequent results and benefits they provide.

• View yourself as a leader in your client’s life.

• Your brand is about making yourself known for your skills and talents. More than that — your brand is about what you stand for.

• Establish an advisory board.

I'm finally in the process of making this happen officially in a private mastermind. 

• Read one book a month.

You'll know I did this from reading these mini book-report posts.

• When you have made the effort to speak and write directly to your ideal client, he’ll feel it.

• Perform daily tasks that will keep your name in front of potential clients.

I do this with my writing here, at Networking For Nice People, in my email newsletters, and in my column in The Tennessean. I also use a CRM to remind me to check-in with clients and follow-up. 

• From a practical perspective there may be two simple reasons why you don’t have as many clients as you’d like: Either you don’t know what to do to attract and secure more clients; or You know what to do but you’re not actually doing it.

Guilty as charged with not doing what I knew I needed to be doing. I'm getting better at holding myself accountable, though. The photos of my family in my office help keep me focused. 

• Each day, introduce two people within your network who do not yet know each other but you think might benefit from knowing each other. 

I do this with my Daily Goals Worksheet. You can grab a copy here. 

• Start by choosing one day of the week that you can focus on where and when you could be asking for referrals.

• Instead of focusing on what I do, focus on what I can do for my clients.

Get a Copy of Book Yourself Solid

I pulled each of these quotes from Michael Port's valuable book because they stood out to me. I expect many (if not all) will stand out to you too.

Book Yourself Solid is a must-read book to help you grow your business. Michael Port is definitely somebody you should be following. 
 

50 Life Lessons From Comedians

I'm a slow reader, so when I finally finish a book, it's a big deal to me. I wish I could burn through books like many people I know, but I need to nurse them like a fine wine. I do my best to take notes and highlight sections that stand out to me. I did this a bunch reading Judd Apatow's book, Sick in the Head: Conversations About Life and Comedy. 

The book is a collection of interviews with many of the biggest names in comedy, from Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, to Mel Brooks and Sarah Silverman. It's a treasure trove of thought provoking advice about life, writing, and performance.

I have always enjoyed Apatow's movies like Funny People, Knocked Up, The 40 Year Old Virgin, This Is 40, and I loved Freaks and Geeks. All of his work speaks to me. What I didn't realize was how dedicated he is to the art of comedy. 

It begins with guts and dedication

Some of the interviews in the book are from the 1980s when Apatow called comedians to request interviews for his radio show. When they agreed, they didn't realize a 15-year-old high school kid would show up with a tape recorder. That takes guts and dedication. He did air the interviews on his school radio station, so it wasn't a lie, but the station didn't broadcast past the walls of the school. 

Apatow went on to perform stand-up comedy in Los Angeles. He seemed to cross paths or work on projects with some of the best names in comedy. He was an executive producer of The Ben Stiller Show (one of my favorites), The Larry Sanders Show (another favorite), and so many more classic shows and movies. I love that he has been inspired to start performing stand-up again after all of these years. 

Reading Sick In The Head has reinvigorated my interest in performing comedy. I've written here before about studying and graduating from Second City in Toronto. I even had my own improv comedy troupe for about a year in Galway, Ireland, where we performed every Thursday night. I've never done stand-up, but I have material floating around in my head and in notebooks, so who knows. I also used to record fake radio shows and crank calls, when I was a kid. Garry Shandling mentioned that, "for some reason, every comedian he knew pretended to have a radio show as a kid." Perhaps I should take this as a sign.

I learned so many lessons about life, writing, and performing from the interviews. I have transcribed them below for you. I highly recommend you pick up a copy of Sick In The Head. I expect each reader will find gems that apply to themselves. There are many more guests in the book like Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Steve Allen. Here are the quotes from Sick In The Head that stood out to me most. I hope these inspire you too. 

On Life... 

Albert Brooks

• "There's no line at the bank for being ahead of your time."

• "Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived."

• "The subject of dying and getting old never gets old."

Chris Rock

• "You learn more from fucking up than you do from success, unfortunately. And failure, if you don't let it defeat you, is what fuels your future success."

Keegan-Michael Key

• "You've got to delegate. Trust people and delegate."

• "But then you get the tools, and one of those tools is the confidence to say, "Of course I can do that."

Louis C.K.

• On setting goals... "I had a direction in my life."

Sarah Silverman

• "You don't get what you want, you get what you think you deserve."

Spike Jonze

• "I always wanted to know why before I believed something."

• "...but in skateboarding, the city is a playground. Look at things differently."

Eric Idle

• "People are always interested in conversation because they don't get any."

• "To tolerate assholes is not a good idea - it only encourages them."

David Sedaris

• "Don't expect everything to work."

Jay Leno

• "You learn from the bad jobs. You don't learn anything from the good jobs."

Judd Apatow

• "…success never satisfies whatever you thought it was going to do for you."

• "As soon as I let go, everything went better….my career took off."

• "I feel like, as creative people, we're all on this journey to get comfortable with who we are, to understand who we are, to find a way for our art to express that."

• "…life is about finding ways to connect to other people…"

• (On Garry Shandling's advice) "You have to have a dream before you can execute it."

• "…they have a vision, and they work their asses off to make it a reality."

• "A lot of the need to be productive is the terror of things falling apart."

• "(Jay Leno) made me want to treat people kindly."

On Writing...

David Sedaris

• "When you become a grown-up, you realize how much weight your words might have -- to a younger person."

Jerry Seinfeld

• "It's one thing to see something. And I think the next step is to do something with it."

• "If you always want less, in words as well as things, you'll do well as a writer."

Garry Shandling

• "The most important thing a comic can do is write from his insides."

• "Whenever you turn to what the organic state of any given character is, the fears and the anger and the struggle, you're going to get conflict and a lot of hilarious stuff."

James L. Brooks

• "It's worth it. Writing is worth it."

• "You can't do your best work when you're self-conscious, when you're conscious of yourself."

Jon Stewart 

• (On comedy writing for Daily Show) "I never think about its purpose. I think about its process…"

Mike Nichols

• "What matters is how much it connects with people."

Sarah Silverman

• "I tried to teach myself how to think ahead."

Stephen Colbert

• (Quoting a teacher) "Write what you know, and write what you are interested in."

Jay Leno

• "The whole trick to being a successful comedian is to make fun of the things you like… So you find a common bond with people… everybody has a TV, so you talk about TV."

Judd Apatow

• "Start with an incredibly immature person who needs to learn a lesson."

• "Think in terms of the human story." Garry Shandling… "Yeah, this is the big bang of it."

• "Then I read somewhere that the best gift you can give other people is your story…"

• "…you write movies to figure out why you're writing the movie."

• "And that was probably the turning point for my whole career, realizing that the little moments that I thought were boring or just not interesting to other people are actually the things that people would be most interested in."

On Performance...

Garry Shandling

• "What you see on the stage is really how I am when I'm funny."

Amy Schumer

• (On Seinfeld advice to repeat his material) "Not everybody's watching everything you do, you know."

Harold Ramis

• (On improv) "focus on making everyone else look good because in that process we all look good."

Chris Rock

• "When you get real (honest), you have your biggest success."

• "When he (Louis C.K.) revealed himself, the whole world connected with him. "

Jay Leno

• "You just get better the more you do. The real trick is to listen to it and throw out everything that's not funny." Do this with a tape recorder.

Judd Apatow

• "It is interesting if you watch the arcs of so many comedians. At some point, they just become themselves.

• "Hearing what's in your mind truly makes people feel less alone and gives them hope for things that they want to do and get through things that are difficult."

• "Do not be afraid to share your story, or to be vulnerable and open when telling it."

• "Talking about this kind of stuff onstage means a lot to people. It frees them up to not feel ashamed for struggling. "

Lena Dunham

• "There are always people telling you that your experience doesn't matter, that it's navel gazing or unnecessary… But we do need to hear it, because that's who so many people are! I mean, it can be the difference between someone feeling like they have a place in the world and someone feeling they don't… art has a place in making people feel less alone."

The Main Conclusions...

The main conclusion I can draw from Sick In The Head is to be brave and honest enough to write and/or perform stories about your life. It's our stories that resonate with the audience and readers, especially when they are familiar. Treat people kindly and be complimentary. Don't fear failure. Believe in yourself. 

Even if you don't plan to become a comedian, you should start a journal and write every day. David Sedaris said, "(In your journal) each morning look at the day before and think, Okay, what was the defining moment of the day? What was the most interesting thing that happened? What was worth remembering?"

Next Steps...

I think this is a great starting point for me. I am also already getting involved with Nashville's comedy community. In the last two weeks, I have seen one improv show (LOL Nashville), several stand-ups, and even went to see Louis C.K. perform. Keep your eyes open for these hilarious local comedians, Michael Hampton, Nate Bargatze, and Dusty Slay. 

I've been talking to Luke Watson who is doing amazing work with Third Coast Comedy. I'm craving to perform improv again, maybe even stand-up. If you're subscribed to my newsletter, I will let you know when this happens.

Go grab a copy of Sick In The Head. Be sure to follow Judd Apatow on Twitter. The man is clearly a genius and generous person. I'm excited to see what new projects he has planned for us.

UPDATE: Suddenly, I'm performing improv again! 

Photo from Flickr by Sonia Recchia for Canadian Film Centre.